Wrote what things. I have come to the conclusion a few months ago, to leave Dasha's adoption out of my everyday conversations with people both old and new. Now I am not saying that I never talk about it, but I don't go telling every person that I meet that she is adopted. I have just decided that Dasha is my daughter and that is all that people need to know. If they get curious, or if there is something obvious I will bring it up. We are not hiding it, but it is her story to tell, not mine. Though Camden loves to introduce his Russian sister!
While it is very much part of who she is, it doesn't define her. I know that there are people who are going to need to know, like her teacher next year, but she already knows and has been prepping for her. Mainly due to her language delay, etc. While she improves every day, she is behind the average 2 year old. Dasha is stringing 2-3 words together every day more and more often. Like "Pee in Potty!" Though she never tells me before she actually goes!
How has everyone else handled this transition? Or have you done this transition? What do you openly share, what do you keep to yourselves? While I am very open on this blog, the average person in our daily lives do not read this.
In other news, I have reached out to a family birth searcher, but we are not going to proceed right now due to the costs of it right now. With Randy and I both in school, it is going to stretch us a lot. But he has our documents and when he plans his next trip to Kirov, he is going to contact me.
Have a blessed day everyone!
Denise
A Year of Change
2 years ago
We were very open about Aidan and where he came from with his Preschool. Mostly because I was mostly concerned with Transitions with him. . .a biproduct of Attachement issues, which were not with me, but with changes in general. But, he did so well, that when he started Kindergarten, we made the decision to not share at all. If the need to know comes up, we'll talk about it, but otherwise not. Unless Aidan talks about it himself--it's his story to tell. So far, the need has not come up and I anticipate it won't. Each of us handles it differently, though. It just depends on where you are as a family and how the child is doing. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteFor us it is obvious that Grace is adopted. Some people ask and I sharing willingly. Sometimes it is never discussed and other times I share if the conversation leads us there. I just took an online adoption class about identity. It had a panel of 4 adult adoptees that all said the same thing. DON'T LEAVE IT UP TO THE CHILD TO BRING UP THE ADOPTION DISCUSSION. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT TO MAKE THE CHILD FEEL COMFORTABLE TO ASK QUESTIONS. The panel said they felt protective over the parents by not bringing up an uncomfortable topic. Now this doesn't apply to telling strangers, but wanted to share about us not letting the adoption discussion go away at home.
ReplyDeleteI was meaning to write a post on my blog about what I learned, maybe I will :)
So we talk about it more in our house...like I tell Natalia about the day we met her and our trip home. And we have a story book about our trips to Russia to bring her home (that we made online using Sh*tterfly or something). But I don't normally tell people who don't already know... For instance, I was at dinner with some colleagues on a work trip and one of the ladies said "oh, you finally got a girl!" and I just smiled and said "yes, how lucky am i?" There were some people at the table who I worked with during our process, so they knew, but didn't say anything :). So I'm rambling...and don't think I really answered your question :).
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this a bit more...and I think I told a lot more people when we were more newly home - because it was so recent and such a big event we just went through. Now, it's faded into the past and so has just naturally become backstory rather than a main event.
ReplyDelete