Our Family

Our Family

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Sick and Tired...

I know that I am going to sound like I am whining, and it's because I AM!!!!  I am getting so sick of this whole adoption issue.  I am tired of seeing people who started after us already HOME with their children.  I am tired of reading about all the experiences that they get to do with their kids that I don't because every spare dollar we have we put in our adoption fund so that we can pay for this crazy thing.  Every blog that I follow, which is about 50, every person has their child.  I can't even find a blog of anyone starting the process, so that I can talk to them about the process.  I kinda feel left behind.  We have been on this roller coaster for 18 months, DTR for 13 months, and I am just sick and tired of waiting.

There are many positives going on though, we are getting so close to having this thing fully funded.  Which means NO LOANS!  We are paying cash.  Most in part to the grant we have received.  That was the ultimate blessing, no doubt.  I keep thinking, tomorrow, tomorrow is going to be the day when we get the call.  Nothing happens though.  I was so excited when we got that initial phone call about the siblings, now I wish we hadn't turned them down, because again, our agency is dead in the water.  I know way back when we started that picking the right agency was the most important thing, well I think we goofed.  They are just too small and are not in the right areas to move us along.  I think day after day, we need to change agencies.  Then I start thinking about ALL the stuff we would have to change, Homestudy, I-600A, grant information, not to mention all the money that we have already paid them.  In my heart I know we can't change, but my head is screaming CHANGE, CHANGE!! 

There are so many things we are wanting to do, we want to buy some land so that we can build our dream house, but we can't because every penny we have is reserved for our adoption, and you can't get a loan out here for land because of the economy, so you have to pay cash for it.  We want to just get away, but we can't. 

I also feel guilty, during the school year, I really felt like I was contributing, I was working, bringing home a very meager salary subbing on Randy's days off.  Since school has been out, I just feel like a lazy slob.  I never even felt like this when I was working and I had the summer off, maybe it is just the lack of free activities out there.  Most of all I am just stressed, and I feel for Camden and Randy, I feel like I am just very stressed and tense, and I get annoyed by the smallest things. 

I am also scared, I am scared because we are very comfortable in our family of 3.  Yes I want more kids, but what is that going to do to us?  How is Camden going to handle it, how are we going to handle it?  If you could just pray for some peace for me I would greatly appreciate it. 


  1. I am so sorry that you're in such a tough place. I wish there was something I could do.

    I will throw my two cents out there and you can take it or leave it. If your gut is telling you to switch agencies, I might listen. Yes, it will be costly and, yes, it will involve more work, but in the end, it might help you complete this journey.

    I know what a difficult time it was waiting and again, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    I can't get my account to sign me in but this is Jen from juniperbloom.blogspot.com

  2. I know how difficult the wait is. We waited 3 years 2 months to get our daughter home! And we had every problem under the sun. You need to keep busy. Enjoy this time with Camden and find cheap things to do (bowling, playgrounds, etc) Fill up your calendar because as soon as you do, you will get the call. Focus on Camden now, because when you get your other children home, it will be crazy. I know how easy it is to be consumed with adoption thoughts ALL THE TIME. You know the saying, "a watched pot never boils", Fill up your calendar!

    Good luck and hang in there!

  3. Hmmm, guess you just are not aware of my blog if you don't know of anyone who started before you that still isn't finished! We started with homestudy in January 2009, traveled to meet our referral in March 2010 and due to Torry Hanson, agency incompetence and numerous other problems, are STILL not home with our child nor do we know when we will be getting back to Russia.

    So come on over to my blog - skaduce.wordpress.com. We can commiserate because I totally feel your pain...and then some!!!

  4. Ugh, sorry things are going at a sloth's pace. Is your agency giving you any sort of time line? The agency choice is so difficult. You put all your faith in these people to do something you have little idea about...or maybe that was just me. Hopefully they will get it together quickly.

    If you want to find more folks that are waiting you should post on a yahoo group board...sorry if you already tried that. They have groups for general Russian adoptions as well as groups for various regions and needs. Seems pretty easy to search around. I can get you more information if you need.

    When you are going though it, it's just awful. Nothing is fast enough, and it feels as though no one cares about your family, your child/children, your story...even when they say they do. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, you find yourself in a twin sized bed in some Russian hotel listening to Russian techno music and thinking "this is it, tomorrow we meet our baby/babies"

    I pray your day comes soon.

    I have a really busy nanny week this week, but maybe we can get together next week for a romp at a park, or pool, or something fun.

  5. I do not have a blog but my husband and I started our process January 2009. We received an acceptable referral (one that had not been declined by those ahead of us)that met our criteria (girl, under age 2, with minor or correctable health problems)April 2011. We just returned home from our first trip to meet her and are waiting for a court date. We knew going into the process that it would be 18 months before we could expect a referral and have been told and read that anyone starting in 2010 or later can expect to wait at least 2 years.

    It has been a long, hard, frustrating, anxious, can't-do-anything but save $ and wait time.

    I was a patient person before and have had to expand my patience with waiting and hoping that today might be the day. We did receive other referrals but had to decline or had them adopted by Russian's shortly after receiving information.

    If you would like to email, I would be happy to share with you. annwhite61 at gmail.com.


  6. Denise,

    I am so sorry you are having such a long wait! The frustration you must feel! I know there is little I can offer to help the situation, other than my prayers that things move along quickly for you.

    Once you (finally) meet the children you are meant to parent, and learn about their story, perhaps the reason for this long wait will be revealed and it will all make sense.

    You're in our thoughts,

  7. Oh Denise! I have often thought about you since so many of us started our journey together. I will say that I don't think it's the size of the agency but rather the agency's in-country contacts. Our agency was rather small by industry standards, but there wasn't any question that our coordinator in our region was "connected."

    On the Kras yahoo group, a few agencies often have children that come available that are needing families who are home study ready and can travel quickly. In fact, just in the last month there were a boy/girl ages 3-5 needing a family. I can see if they are still available if you want. Of course, as you mentioned, that involves a whole lot of change in paperwork for you.

    I can only think that your day is coming soon. I will pray that you can find peace and joy in the waiting. The children who are to be in your family are out there waiting for you. Phil 4:6-7

  8. I am so sorry to hear about all this heartache. I can say, that even though our boy is finally home, the YEAR spent waiting after we met him for a court date was the hardest year of my life. I was so bitter reading people's "we've been home for 6 months" posts. I kept thinking this should be us....my son is sitting in an orphanage while their son is playing on their swing set. It makes you into someone you aren't angry, jealous, and depressed. Satan is getting the victory when we allow our joy to be stolen. My advice- Take a break. Don't read about what anyone else is doing. I would sign on, update my blog (because it was therapeutic for me) and log off. Keep busy. Have friends over, friends that know you don't want to talk about the "A" word. Find a new hobby. Do something fun for you.
    I know you probably HATE hearing this as much as I did, but now I know it's true. Your day is coming. You will make the right decisions. Whatever you do DON'T GIVE UP. Everyday brings you closer to your child. Sometimes the route is more "scenic" than we would choose for ourselves, but when that day comes, you really do forget all the heartache.
    Oh, and it's ok to raise hell with your agency. Call them until they screen your phone calls, then leave messages. Lots of messages. Be a squeaky wheel.
    Please email me if you need anything- or just want to vent. sdeetz1023@yahoo.com

  9. I can relate to your frustration with waiting. Most of the blogs I read also have just returned or seem to be moving along much faster than our progress. We have just been registered and are expecting a 6-12 month wait from here. But stay faithful, you and your family will get your perfectly matched child at the right time. Feel free to check out my slow moving blog at http://kandkadoption.blogspot.com/.


  10. Maybe not what you want to hear but I rejoice for the wait you are going through because I KNOW that while you are waiting and looking for the why and when, our MIGHTY, AWSOME, GOD is working behind the scenes so that everything works out in HIS time. If you had received the referral 5 months ago, you wouldn't have had the grant. I guess I'm preaching a bit but this frustration is SATAN challenging your trust that GOD will keep His promises. He promised to work everything out for good for those that are called according to his purpose. And you joy will be increased in proportion to the challenge you are facing now. We will keep you in our prayers. Robyn's mom Reine

  11. Hi Denise,

    I can relate to your frustration, doubt, all of it. My husband and I began this process in January, so I know it hasn't been TOO long, but already we are so stressed and REALLY worried that we too picked the "wrong" agency. It is such an unsettling feeling to have no control in one of the biggest decisions of your life, and to to put your faith in strangers. It just gets so much harder when things happen that make you question them. We've had a lot of that in the last month and it is scaring me!!

    I too, have gotten so upset that I have started to question this all on some days. Should we even be doing this? Is this meant to be? Should we just leave our agency and find another one. But like you said, then we start from scratch.. and have already paid thousands of dollars to this agency! Ugh!

    JUst know you are not alone. I have a very close friend that adopted from China, and her sister from Russia and they both told me they felt the some way about both of their agencies the entire time, up until they got a referral and were traveling. So, I think what we are dealing with.. unfortunately.. Is very common!! If you ever want to chat, email me! mauram198@gmail.com.

    Oh, and my husband, is also named Randy and is also a firefighter/paramedic and works part-time as a nurse!!!! Weird! :)

    Take care! Fingers crossed for you guys that your referral will come soon!! : )