If you all could keep us and our adoption in your prayers it would be greatly appreciated. I spoke to our agency yesterday and while yes we are number 9 in line for those waiting for a girl that are not assigned a region, what I didn't know is that the three families that are assigned to regions have been waiting for two years for their referrals! They told me that we MIGHT get our referral by May 2012. If Russia stays the way that it is. Initially we were told in January 2010 that it would be 12-18 months to finish from Dossier submission date.
If we switched to a boy we could have our referral in the next 6 months.
From the beginning I didn't care what gender of child that we got, so I was open to this suggestion. My partner in crime is not though, he really wants a daughter and if we were able to get pregnant again after the adoption we can't guarantee what we would get. I have called other agencies and they are ALL quoting 15-24 months for a girl. FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!
We are NOT giving up on our adoption, but never in my wildest dreams did I think that this could become a 3 year process. We started January 28th, 2010, DTR (dossier to Russia) May 6th, 2010. If we got our referral in May of 2012, then home for 3 months for court it would be September-October before we came home. Camden would be 4 years old. I don't want to make him wait that long to become a big brother.
If you could either 1. pray for peace for me, because I just want to cry right now, or 2. the agreement is signed and things really pick up in Russia. I don't know if I can wait that long. I know that there are people out there who have it worse than me, I already have a child, but my heart breaks for the child we are meant to have over in Russia. I want them to experience the love that we can give them. I appreciate your prayers. If you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry, just needing time to think.
Denise
A Year of Change
2 years ago
best of luck to you and your family. I can't imagine having to wait that long...
ReplyDeleteDenise, I understand... all to well. IF things carry on with singles and Americans in my region I was told it was 18mo minimum and closer to 2 years or more for a girl 3 or under. I am really open to 3 1/2! I officially signed with my agency Dec 20, 2009. It is tough while others breeze through but if you are meant to wait - you will. If you are not, you will find another plan. I just emailed my director today with a few questions because I know I am in slow regions too. I was never even told how many are ahead of me but I know the wait is long and I don't foresee the new treaty changing that for me. I think there are just few regions allowing gender selection as an option. If open to either, you may get a girl still but may not. Feel free to drop me a line if you want to compare info more privately. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHi Denise,when Randy and I started the adoption we put in our home study either gender. Our agency told us expect a boy so we painted the room blue and than what do you know we got a girl. I really do pray that you will get a little girl soon but if not maybe a son is meant for you.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are going through. We started in January 2009, with dossier to Russia July 2009. I too am open to either gender but my better half wants a girl (Daddy's little princess). We have no children. We have had two referrals. One was declined twice before she was offered to us and of course we declined as well (IA doctor did not think she would grow up to be independent adult). The other was taken by a Russian family for foster care the day after we received the referral (on our 7th wedding anniversary).
ReplyDeleteWe knew going into the process that it was expected to take 18 months for a girl and here we are at 18 months, updating paperwork and waiting on the Lord.
God Bless
Denise, I know how frustrating that must be for you. One of the reasons we chose Russia was because of the relative fast referral time lines as I didn't want a humongous gap between Kennedi and the baby and perhaps more importantly I didn't want to be 46 with one in diapers! I am so sorry you received this news and what seems to be an apparent miscommunication between you and your agency. I will be praying that you have peace and are given direction.
ReplyDeleteDenise,
ReplyDeleteI am so sad to hear this news....BUT....(if there is a but in your heart)......my husband and I started the adoption process in May, 2007 after several years of infertility....when we started out, we really wanted to go to Russia but unfortunately soon after we started, Russia closed to Americans so we were targetting another country. In Nov, 2007 we finally had everything together for the other country and were 255 on the list for either gender....(yes, that is right 255)....within 5 months, we had found out that this other country was most probably going to close to American adoptions for an unknown length of time...(this country is still closed)....we had been on the adoption trail now for 1 year and had to start all over again. Russia was now open and we switched countries but it took lots of time and we were not registered for almost 7 more months....we waited and after 6 months, we got a referral and had to decline....finally, after waiting for 11 months we got the referral of our little angel!!! It is sooooooooooooo hard.....BUT......we would never change the world for our little boy and the wait was worth every single minute once we saw his picture for the first time!!! Please try and stay strong and if it is a little girl that you want....then it is a little girl you will find to fit into your family whether it is 6 months or 18 months!!!! Believe me, it will be worth the wait!!! Praying for your family!
Tracey
Tracey, great post! I needed to hear this as much as Denise so thank you!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Denise... that sounds difficult to swallow. It's all about your agency setting your expectations from the beginning. Way back in 2008 we were quoted 12 months from dossier submission for an infant girl under 12 months old (referral #3 came at 13 months). I just asked my agency today and they are quoting 12-16 months for an infant girl, although they don't take many families that want girls only. Like everyone else said, it WILL happen, just not always WHEN you want. Stick to your guns about a little girl if that's what you want - you know best!
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so sorry to read this- especially after seeing so many little girls in the orphanage this past week! I don't know what your age range is, but maybe if you consider opening it up to a year older that may help? I don't know- it just blows my mind in general at how many kids are living like this, but it takes so long to get them into loving homes. :( I will keep praying! Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. I know you said you contacted multiple agencies, but I would suggest reaching out to IAG in Pittsburgh, if you haven't already.
ReplyDeleteThanks or all the encouragement guys, it really does help. Jen, I did contact IAG, they too quoted 18 months. I did find one that quoted 12 months, but we timed it out, by the time we redid everything, including homestudy we would be only gaining about 3 months, plus we lose about $5,000.00. As a one income family, that is huge to us, so for now we are staying where we are. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteI know how difficult this process is. We started with China in March of 2007 and switched to Russia in May 2008. It then took us 2 full years to bring home our baby girl... beautiful and healthy! I use to get so frustrated when I saw people getting referrals in several months or hearing the people complain who only were on month 5 or 6 of waiting. The wait is difficult and long, but the good news is that you now know what you are dealing with. We went through so many broken promises and referrals taken away. So much heartache along the way. You now have a timeframe, which can be a very good thing. I'm sorry you had to get this news. It's not easy.... but you will get there!!! Enjoy your son over the holidays!!!
ReplyDelete