Russian Ban

Yesterday Putin signed a bill banning American families from adopting Russian children.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Over the last 20 years over 60,000 children have been adopted from Russia and have had new lives here in America.  Of those 60,000 19 have died in the custody of American parents.  When the U.S. signed a new law last week blacklisting certain high ranking officials from doing business and owning property and bank accounts in the U.S. if they are believed to be violating human rights.  In retaliation the Russian government struck back and are not punishing the U.S. government, they are hurting their own children and American families.  They claim that the U.S. is not a safe place for their children because of the 19 deaths mention before.  While it is 19 too many, there were 59,981 successful adoptions with no problems in over 20 years. 

In my new crusade to be more forward I contacted the news media about doing a story about the ban, with NO intention of being interviewed, but when they asked, I said yes, literally threw all the junk and clutter in my dining room and prayed that they would NOT look in that room.  As I have said we have been slowly remodeling our house and we only have two rooms left, but I still get pretty embarrassed by those two rooms!  They are hideous.  But here are the links for the story, if you would like to watch.

http://fox4kc.com/2012/12/28/russian-ban-on-american-adoptions-angers-kck-mom/

I like how they titled it!  It ANGERS me! :-)  Oh, and I said that one day we would LIKE to go back and adopt, but they made it seems like we were going tomorrow.

In all seriousness though, they are only hurting the children, As I mentioned in the interview, Dasha would not of been adopted in Russia.  Simple as that, she would of aged out at 16 and I can only imagine the horrors of how her life would be after that.....

Christmas Program

Friday Dec. 14th was the kids first Christmas program at their preschool.  Camden didn't get to do his program last year because we were in Russia at the time.  Camden, who has been thriving this year, got to be a wise man in their play.  He actually got a big part because he got to travel across the church. I totally admire his teachers because the put together a play with over 40 4-5 year olds, complete with parents making costumes.  Since I don't have a creative bone in my body, I ordered Camden's costume off of Amazon!!! 

Dasha's class also got up there and performed the fastest 3 songs I have ever seen!  It was one of those blink and you miss it type of things, but hey they are 2 year olds.  The little girl next to her blew zerberts the whole time!  Dasha was most definitely the cutest one up there with the best dress!

 All ready for the program

 The cutest wise man ever!

 The kid of the left was having some major costume malfunctions, Camden was the only one who remembered to bow.

 The speaker is in the way, but definitely the cutest one up there.

 Evidence of zerberts in action!

Watching zerbert girl getting told No!

A Full Year

Yep, as promised, the last one!  We landed in D.C. one year ago and Dasha became a legal citizen.  In some ways the year has flown by so stinking fast that I can't believe we have been home an entire year, and in other ways it has been an incredibly long and trying year.  I have never fully come out and said it on the blog, but I have hinted at it, and I am very public about it in person, but after we came home I did indeed suffer from P.A.D. (Post Adoption Depression).  The lack of sleep, not being able to eat, a husband who had to go back to working 90 hours a week 2 days after being home, and bring home a child who hated my guts was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. 

I thought I would of had the support of my adoption life group when I got home.  There were 3 of us who all brought home kids within 1 month of each other, and it was determined to not undermine the attachment process, the women would meet one week, and the men would meet the next week.  I was told that I could NOT bring my kids on the woman's week, but that it would be detrimental to Dasha if I hired a babysitter so I could attend.  I got no help from the group that I desperately needed at that time.  Not many people's husbands work 24 hour shifts, it is a unique situation.  My sister and I were on the outs, and though I love my parents to death they didn't understand adopting a child. 

I was all alone, crying at every moment that my kids weren't around, and praying for help.  I decided to email the only person that knew what I was going through.  She may not know it but she helped me more than I could ever imagine.  Those emails back and forth were my saving grace from someone who had "been there, done that."  I also called some my close friends from back in college who also are the TRUE friends that everyone wishes for.  The ones that even though you haven't talked to in years, they will drop everything for you. 

Over the months things really started to improve, Dasha and I definitely formed a bond, and are nicely attached now, and I truly can't even picture our loves without her anymore.  I know she was meant to be in our family.  We defiantly have our moments, but what parent/child relationship doesn't.  Please don't let my experience deter you from adoption, if it helps, I also went through the baby blues after Camden was born, so for me MAJOR life changes affect me pretty significantly.  But I made it through it.  I also have made changes in my life.  I don't wait for people to include me, I seek out my friends, I plan stuff, something that is HUGE for me.  I am a very shy person, and I don't have a lot of self confidence.  I am trying to stay positive and I have even started making strides to improve my relationship with my sister. 

I also know that without God, and my special email friend, I really don't know where I would be without them.

This is my favorite picture of the two of us.



Family Day

This is the big one!  It is family day!  One year ago today we busted Dasha out of the orphanage, went to the hotel for about 30 minutes, and then caught the train.  We were not able to share our initial post until the 15th because of our schedule, but the 14th is Family Day.   My how she has changed in the past year.  Below I posted a photo of Dasha in the same dress, on the same day exactly 1 year apart.  I think she has grown just a little bit!

 

 

Below is the video that we shared to announce Dasha to the world.  If you missed it before, please enjoy.

 



Family Pictures

As you can tell by my top photograph we got family photos recently back in October.  Our photographer did an amazing job.  Here is some of her handiwork.

Another Anniversary

Yes, another one!  There are only 2 more.  Don't worry I won't do this every year, just the first year as I feel we all celebrate the first year of a child's life a little more than other birthdays.  I have never met anyone who didn't throw their 1 year old a huge party to celebrate that feat, since we don't get the 1st birthday, we get the first year together. 

 

Well our anniversary today is DA day.  On Dec. 2nd 2011 the judge came back and literally said "DA!"  We were officially a family of 4.  It was a bittersweet day for me.  I was happy because we had been granted the custody of a beautiful little girl, and it was sad that our fun family of 3 was no more.  I would not change it for anything though.  We have definitely had our ups and downs, but we are on a steady uphill track. 

Warning: Rant Ahead

When we decided to adopt we researched both domestic and international adoption.  Pros for domestic, cheaper, maybe even free, and helping a "local" child.  Cons: Open adoption, years of court trying to get parental rights terminated, and risk of a judge overturning the adoption later on.  Yes it has happened. 

Pros of International adoption: Child is AVAILABLE at that moment for adoption, child is living in an institution and the want these children to be adopted.  No bio parents or family to come back later wanting their child back. Cons: cost.

In the end after a lot of prayer, we decided International.  My husband is a fireman, I am a stay-at-home mom, we are not millionaires.  But we knew we could do it.  By the way, half of the cost of International Adoption is the travel. 

When we were in process we got comments of, "Buy American."  That just really stung because why do people think that one child deserves to be adopted over another child just because of citizenship?  Well, we finished and in total our costs were just under $50,000.  The government offers a tax credit in the year that we completed the adoption of $13,170.  Seems like a lot of money yes?  Well after spend $50,000, it was an answered prayer to restore our savings.  Unlike the rest of America we buy what we can afford, we spend money that we have.  We do not play the credit game. 

Well after this year the adoption tax credit ends for families and is reduced to $6000 and only applies to families who adopt "special needs" children.  That means that most families will not qualify anymore for the tax credit.  And just so you know, Domestic Infant Adoption runs on average $25,000.  I have petitioned my congressman and senator to extend the tax credit for future families.  Today someone shared a page on Facebook for the Save the Adoption Tax Credit I went over to look at it.  I was reading some of the comments and I was truly appalled.  One poster posted a PowerPoint that people who adopt internationally should NOT receive any tax credit because we are ELITE people who do not need the finances back.  And that we are "purchasing" a child.  I finally lost it and responded to them.  I was firm but not offensive.  In my opinion.  It just makes me so angry that people who feel that children in orphanages deserve less because they are not American Citizens yet.  In this power point also it showed children who have been killed by their American adopted parents.  Guess what, it happens to "American" children who are adopted also.  It infuriates me that people can be so narrow minded.  I know that people are not going to change just because they get called out, but I hope that before you think less of a parent who has adopted internationally, I hope you watch this video of A LOT of Russia-born babies, who are now ALL American Citizens and are going to do AMAZING THINGS!

Also if you watch, pay attention around 4:36 you might see some local celebrities.  I know I am not a great writer and I am sure that what I needed to say could of been said SOO much better, but I needed to say it and get it out there.