Sick and Tired...

I know that I am going to sound like I am whining, and it's because I AM!!!!  I am getting so sick of this whole adoption issue.  I am tired of seeing people who started after us already HOME with their children.  I am tired of reading about all the experiences that they get to do with their kids that I don't because every spare dollar we have we put in our adoption fund so that we can pay for this crazy thing.  Every blog that I follow, which is about 50, every person has their child.  I can't even find a blog of anyone starting the process, so that I can talk to them about the process.  I kinda feel left behind.  We have been on this roller coaster for 18 months, DTR for 13 months, and I am just sick and tired of waiting.

There are many positives going on though, we are getting so close to having this thing fully funded.  Which means NO LOANS!  We are paying cash.  Most in part to the grant we have received.  That was the ultimate blessing, no doubt.  I keep thinking, tomorrow, tomorrow is going to be the day when we get the call.  Nothing happens though.  I was so excited when we got that initial phone call about the siblings, now I wish we hadn't turned them down, because again, our agency is dead in the water.  I know way back when we started that picking the right agency was the most important thing, well I think we goofed.  They are just too small and are not in the right areas to move us along.  I think day after day, we need to change agencies.  Then I start thinking about ALL the stuff we would have to change, Homestudy, I-600A, grant information, not to mention all the money that we have already paid them.  In my heart I know we can't change, but my head is screaming CHANGE, CHANGE!! 

There are so many things we are wanting to do, we want to buy some land so that we can build our dream house, but we can't because every penny we have is reserved for our adoption, and you can't get a loan out here for land because of the economy, so you have to pay cash for it.  We want to just get away, but we can't. 

I also feel guilty, during the school year, I really felt like I was contributing, I was working, bringing home a very meager salary subbing on Randy's days off.  Since school has been out, I just feel like a lazy slob.  I never even felt like this when I was working and I had the summer off, maybe it is just the lack of free activities out there.  Most of all I am just stressed, and I feel for Camden and Randy, I feel like I am just very stressed and tense, and I get annoyed by the smallest things. 

I am also scared, I am scared because we are very comfortable in our family of 3.  Yes I want more kids, but what is that going to do to us?  How is Camden going to handle it, how are we going to handle it?  If you could just pray for some peace for me I would greatly appreciate it. 

Not Adoption Related, sorry

I know I have been absent from blogging lately, but when nothing is happening I just don't want to bore you with my whining, so I thought I would show you a cute video of Camden "cutting" with his scissors.  Usually he is very fast, but he was distracted by me filming him.  Sorry it is sideways, I took the video on my phone.

Our coordinator is on vacation for a month, we are two weeks in, so I seriously doubt anything is going to happen until she get back at the end of June.  Have a great week.

Praise the Lord!

We got all of our grant money!  Wahoo!!!  As of Friday we were at $5125, so we get the matching money up to $5000.  We still have one more week and donations can still be sent, they won't be matched, but will still go directly to our adoption and you will still get a tax deduction.  I was really stressing over this but I know God is in control, I know that I need to give up some of my control of this adoption and leave it to God.  Though it really does frustrate me when people say, well maybe it is God saying you shouldn't adopt since we haven't gotten the right referral yet.  Just makes me want to scream!  I know this is what we are suppose to do, and we are hanging on tight.  Keep praying that we get it done and done soon!

Getting Closer

To our goal that is!  We need $5000, we are at $3100.  Thank you to those to helped us on our grant funding this week, we have two more weeks to go.  I am praying we get there, we only need $1900 more and we get the full match.  Praying like a mad woman!

Ok, We Need Your Help!

We received a grant through a wonderful organization called Hand In Hand Adoption Inc.  They have been gracious to offer us a matching grant of up to $5,000.  I sent out the letter two and a half weeks ago, and we have a little over two weeks left before our deadline.  So far we have only raised $350.   On the right hand side of the blog you will see a note to click to view our letter for financial support for our adoption. Through the matching grant that we received, we have to raise funds from our family and friends. This is not something where we give them money and they match it. We have to raise it from our family and friends. The money goes straight to the organization, we do not ever touch the money in any way. All money goes to our adoption. All funds have to be raised by June 3rd, 2011. Click on the link if you are interested in helping us bring our children home!   Please help us we have a long way to go!

Fingerprint Appt. Again

Well today Randy and I went back to the USCIS to get refingerprinted.  We decided to do it a few months early since we were already submitting information to them to get out I-171H redone.  It will save us on Apostilles later on!  So this time was not as smooth as last time.  Though our appts. were at the same time this time instead of an hour apart like last year.  Last year we were both in and out in under 5 minutes.  This year it took 30, though not horrible AT ALL!  We did take Camden with us and he was very mad that he couldn't take his toys in.  He was good for the first 15 minutes but after that he was tired of waiting.  The best part was he wanted to get his fingerprints taken, he sat there all ready to go with his hands at the ready.  He was with Randy and would not leave with me, I don't know if the guy played along with him or not.  Then we had to get home so Randy could go to work.  Both times they have scheduled our appts. for days that Randy works.  As a fireman, you don't just show up a few hours late, you have to pay people out of your pocket to cover you while you were not there.  Oh well though, didn't want to risk them scheduling it on a day he works again if we asked for a new date. 

On just a side note, here in KC, last week we had frost advisories, today it is 92 and we have heat advisories!  By Friday the high is 68.  Just some craziness in the midwest.  We have not turned on the A/C yet, hoping to get through this little heat wave.

1 Year

Well it has been 1 year since our dossier was sent to Russia.  A lot has changed in that year.  We have gone from waiting for a single girl to waiting on a sibling pair.  We have turned down one referral, and now we just wait for another one.  Praying we get it soon!  We are ready.  As far as our grant, last week I sent out 77 letters to family and friends asking them for their support, with only one being returned for a bad address, I think that was pretty good if you ask me!  It took me a long time to get to that point asking people for money, but we are there now, we are in the final inning, the bases are loaded and we have a full count.  We have got to get this done!  We have until June 3rd to raise $5000, to get the full matching grant!  If you would like to help please see the letter to the right of the blog to find out how you can help us out!  Have a great weekend everyone.